Two Idiots Babbling by David Fischer
Copyright (C) 1999 David Fischer


Cast:

	Idiot 1
	Idiot 2


I1: "I'm hungry."

I2: "No, you're just bored."

I1: "I want a toad bagel."

I2: "Most of human history can be explained by bordeom."

I1: "Or some ratloaf."

I2: "Did you know that peanut shells are edible?"

I1: "Most peanuts are synthetic these days, so I don't know about that."

I2: "Toad bagel?"

I1: "I love the dance scenes in Peanuts TV specials."

I2: "What's a toad bagel?"

I1: "All these weird little repetitive movements."

I2: "Someone should try to reproduce those dance scenes with live performers."

I1: "That reminds me - I just noticed something bizarre about
	the post office logo on my way over here."

I2: "And what does this have to do with Peanuts dance scenes?"

I1: "If you look at the shock wave visible around the eagle's head,"

I2: "Or toad bagels?"

I1: "It is clear that the eagle is doing at least mach one."

I2: "Nothing, this has nothing to do with what we were talking about."

I1: "It's broken the sound barrier."

I2: "Maybe it isn't a shock wave, maybe it's just a border, you know,
	graphic design?"

I1: "And I've never heard of any living organism breaking the sound barrier"

I2: "Advertizing?"

I1: "Achieving mach one"

I2: "Pilots don't count?"

I1: "Without the aid of technology."

I2: "When do you think a dancer will break the sound barrier?"

I1: "You mean a dancer who happens to be a pilot, or vice-versa?"

I2: "No, I mean as part of a performance."

I1: "It's probably happened already, right?"

I2: "Imagine a dance piece"

I1: "Or maybe aboard the Concorde."

I2: "where a performer is accelerated"

I1: "Lots of people have flown on that."

I2: "To mach one."

I1: "I wonder if Baryshnivok has ever broken the sound barrier,"

I2: "It would have to be related to the subject of the piece somehow."

I1: "as a passenger on the Concorde."

I2: "Probably something about the rate of growth or change in our society"

I1: "When will someone use a nuclear explosive as part of shooting
	a movie?"

I2: "being completely out of control."

I1: "When will the first film sequences be shot in outer space?"

I2: "There's been film shot in space."

I1: "I mean going up there just to get a partiular shot,"

I2: "Journalism has had a presence in the space program"

I1: "for a particular movie."

I2: "Ever since sputnik beeped across our skies."

I1: "You know, realism."

I2: "Beep.... beep.... beep.... beep"

I1: "Like 2001,"

I2: "It's not enough to solve the problem."

I1: "but with a billion times the expense"

I2: "You must also kill the messenger."

I1: "and half the final effect."

I2: "The wonders of modern technology!"

I1: "Of course none of that would be neccessary if we just had super powers."

I2: "Would you let it go..."

I1: "No. I think it is the inalienable right of every man woman and child
	on this planet to unnexpectedly and inexplicably receive some sort of
	bizarre super human power."

I2: "And how do you expect this to happen?"

I1: "Industrial accidents,"

I2: "Like Love Canal?"

I1: "being in the vicinity of a strange military experiment gone
	horribly wrong,"

I2: "Or Minamata?"

I1: "exposure to mysterious x-rays from a meteor,"

I2: "Industrial accidents don't make you fly."

I1: "you know, something like that."

I2: "They make you twitch away the rest of your short life"

I1: "Radioactive insect bites."

I2: "In a hospital bed covered with tubes."

I1: "Bad mayonnaise."

I2: "Mayonnaise Man?"

I1: "There's a million ways."

I2: "Did you know that there is an extremely low occurance of heart
	attacks among serial killers?"

I1: "Imagine a society where everyone has some sort of special super
	human power."

I2: "So of course the rational thing is to go on a killing spree so
	as to decrease your statistical probability of dieing of a heart attack."

I1: "Where it was so common that it wasn't worth mentioning!"

I2: "Of course serial killers have other unrelated longevity problems."

I1: "Imagine a super hero on a killing spree!"

I2: "Isn't that what the bad guys are for? Isn't there an evil super
	hero to balance out every good super hero? Some kind of Superhero
	Law of Conservation?"

I1: "Sometimes the thought of causing some major humanitarian disaster
	is the only thing that keeps me going."

I2: "Or would that be thermodynamics?"

I1: "If you treat individuals as atoms, and super powers as kinetic
	energy, that would probably work out properly using the existing
	laws of thermodynamics."

I2: "What sort of disaster?"

I1: "Oh you know, something that would bring western civilization to
	a grinding halt."

I2: "You want to take out a telecommunications satalite."

I1: "You said it, not I."

I2: "No more TV! What would people do?"

I1: "Continue to watch their cable TV, probably."

I2: "But don't the cable TV companies get their feeds via satalite?"

I1: "Oh, I have no idea. Maybe."

I2: "Terrorism against performance art."

I1: "Terrorism as performance art?"

I2: "Territorialism in performance art."

I1: "Territorial art?"

I2: "Art Thou Territorial?"

I1: "Me? I'm not even materialistic."

I2: "It was a rhetorical question, a moral thought experiment."

I1: "Unless you count my record collection."

I2: "A mind game to make you examine yourself anew."

I1: "But that's functional, I just want to listen to the music."

I2: "Are you listening to me?"

I1: "I answered your rhetorical question."

I2: "You weren't supposed to."

I1: "I eat garnish, and I answer rhetorical questions."

I2: "I wish someone would kill you."

I1: "Actually, garnish tends to be really yummy."

I2: "A bullet between the eyes would do you wonders."

I1: "Since they don't expect it to be eaten,"

I2: "If I could just distract you long enough to shove you out the window..."

I1: "They just leave it alone. They don't fuck it up."

I2: "Aiii! There's a dinosaur in the waiting room!"

I1: "A lot of dinosaurs were actually herbivours. You can be sure they
	eat garnish!"

I2: "My night starts at dawn. Before that I'm unconscious."

I1: "And then you have dandelions."

I2: "Living the life of ascetic hedonism."

I1: "A perfectly good, edible plant."

I2: "A society for which I cast no shadow."

I1: "Which grows freely, popping up everywhere on its own."

I2: "A society filled with narrow-minded weebles like you."

I1: "Only to be wastefully destroyed by the ignorant."

I2: "This planet is too pathetic an audience for me to bother with."

I1: "If you look at the origins of the Dan De Lyons family of 'Gay Pari'..."

I2: "This universe is too pitifull to piss on."

I1: "And their subsequent influence on the world of gardening."

I2: "God isn't even worth mugging."

I1: "One senses an ancient political intrigue behind the modern hostilities
	towards dandelions."

I2: "I can't imagine anything worth actually doing."

I1: "I mean, look at New Jersey - the so called 'Garden State'."

I2: "I want to die."

I1: "Yeah, that's 'Garden' in the toxic waste dump sense."

I2: "You kill time, then time kills you."

I1: "Is everything ok?"

I2: "Quoth the raven: Fuck you."

I1: "You're hostile."

I2: "You don't exist."

I1: "So everything's ok?

I2: "Yep, everything's fine, just hunky-dory."

I1: "That's good."

I2: "Did you know that I'm from Ur?"

I1: "Errr..."

I2: "You know, Ur, the first city, in ancient Sumeria?"

I1: "And when was this?"

I2: "A while ago. Jeez, seems like forever. What a lame-ass civilization
	this is compared to good old Ur."

I1: "Our society has an amazingly weak grasp on world history."

I2: "We all lived in towering skyscrapers."

I1: "How can you understand yourself without understanding the
	context you exist in?"

I2: "And flew around in private planes."

I1: "What shaped the lives of your ancestors..."

I2: "While the faceless masses of workers toiled endlessly"

I1: "What forces led to the creation of what you see around you now..."

I2: "On the giant machines"

I1: "Of course our entire education system is a joke these days."

I2: "Deep underground"

I1: "Nothing practical is taught."

I2: "Oh no, wait."

I1: "It's all just an exercise in education theory by political activists."

I2: "That wasn't Ur."

I1: "I firmly believe that the 'Three Rs' of education"

I2: "And it wasn't me."

I1: "Should be expanded to be Reading"

I2: "Who was that?

I1: "Writing"

I2: "What was that?"

I1: "Rithmatic"

I2: "METROPOLIS!"

I1: "And game theory!"

I2: "Game theory is harsh."

I1: "Game theory is real. Reality is harsh."

I2: "Some aspects of reality are harsh."

I1: "No one is to be trusted."

I2: "The state is not to be trusted."

I1: "Capitalism works because it is based on hostility."

I2: "Capitalism is doomed because it is based on hostility."

I1: "You build castles in the air."

I2: "You build prisons on the ground."

I1: "We live in an exciting, advanced society."

I2: "We live in a cesspool of intolerance and greed."

I1: "Where fantasy becomes reality."

I2: "Where fantasy becomes debt."

I1: "Reagan Reagan bo beagan"

I2: "Che che bo bey"

I1: "banana fana fo feagan"

I2: "banana fana fo fey"

I1: "fe fi mo meagan"

I2: "fe fi mo mey"

I1: "Reagan!"

I2: "Che!"

I1: "Awkward silence."

I2: "Hostile glare."

I1: "Apathetic smirk."

I2: "Ambivalent shrug."

[pause]

I1: "It's getting late."

I2: "The sun is going down."

[pause]

I1: "The sun has gone down."

I2: "It will be back tomorrow."

I1: "Yes, It will."

I2: "You agree then?"

I1: "Yes. I agree completely."